• Kat

This Time Last Year

Updated: Aug 26, 2018

It was around this time last year I was coming to the realization that I actually needed to quit drinking. Not just for a week, or a month. Forever. There was no real “Rock Bottom” moment, but a whole lot of “I fucking hate my life” moments. A whole lot of lows. My anxiety was at an all time high. The guilt from drinking and trying to hide it was eating away at me from the inside out. Disappointing people around me including myself was the top selling dish on the menu.

Case in point - Here is my journal entry from August 23rd, 2017 – Another Day 0 :

Last week was a really bad week. FUCK. I know it’s part of the process, but I just really have to make an effort to know how shitty it (drinking) feels, how shitty I feel. Alcohol is such a strong poison; it just sucks all common sense out of me. Here are the negatives of my week :

· Drank 5 out of the 7 nights last week

· Spend $300 I don’t even remember spending

· Smoked

· Text _________ an obscene amount of times with no responses

· Anxiety is back with a vengeance

· Slept all day Saturday b/c I was out all night Friday

· Brutal drunk behavior (most of which I can’t remember)

I so vividly remember writing that journal entry, and the shame I felt in doing so. There were literally no positives to include because there weren’t any to list at that time in my life.  Fast forward 9 months. Yes! Today I am 9 months alcohol free! The person I have become over these months is so far removed from the overwhelmingly sad person I used to be. Here is my journal entry from August 21st, 2018 – Day 273 :

I will stop counting the days at 365, but I’ll probably count the years. Quitting drinking shouldn’t define me. There are so many other (positive) aspects of my life to focus on besides that. Time to set some ¾ of the way through 2018 goals:

· Bed by 10pm – Lights out by 10:30pm NO MATTER WHAT

· Buy an alarm clock – Phone out of the room completely at night

· Meditate EVERY morning

· Start bare bones Business Plan

Also came across a new Mantra – “You get the life you believe you deserve.” So powerful, I love this so much! I believe that now, in this very moment, I deserve a beautiful life with a beautiful (and handsome) partner, and a beautiful dog (obviously) haha.

Can you spot the differences between the two?? Holy shit. Listen, when I was going through the process of quitting, alcohol was ALL I could think about. It did define me for a time. And that annoyed the hell out of me. But it had to be THAT way in THAT moment. What my journal entries over these most recents months have shown me is that I am past that now. Alcohol, and more importantly drinking, doesn’t define me anymore. Kat Black is so much more than that. YOU are so much more than that. And when you get to that point in your life one day, you’ll have created so much space for other more important things, like a healthy life & loving relationship, a thriving career, solid friendships, new friggen hobbies, time spent travelling instead of in a bar, the list goes on..

Here’s to 9 more months! And 9 more after that. And 9 more after that. And ... :) xo K

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