Can One Solution Solve One Problem?
Updated: Jul 10, 2019
I just finished listening to a PodCast with Caroline Myss as the interviewee. She said something that really resonated with me, and where I’m currently at with regards to my healing & evolution as Kat Black. She said, “One of the ways we think that is really not an asset is that we think like mathematicians, or very Cartesian, which is that we think that for every one thing there’s one solution – like one on one – which is not the case. It’s like coming to me and saying for every one problem there’s one solution. “Can one solution solve one problem within life? Not my experience.
Let me explain. It’s like saying “I’m depressed and the solution is an anti-depressant.” Or “I’m overweight and the solution is to cut out gluten.” Or “I’m depending too much on alcohol and the solution is to remove it from my life.” Some of these solutions may work for you in the beginning. You may begin to feel better, or lose a little bit of weight, or start to see life a little more clearly, but that’s most likely where it ends. A big lesson I’ve learnt is the sweet nectar of life isn’t from piercing the skin, it’s from cutting into the core. Dig deeper. In my experience, there’s much more to see and resolve within your individual problems than just that one solution. And because, I believe at the end of the day, all problems are connected in some way or another. Perhaps you’ve gone to see a professional who you seek out for guidance with your issue. They may only know of one solution and not look much further beyond that, and so it’s up to you to look inward, listen to your intuition, and start to guide yourself down the road less travelled.
Let’s use me as an example. I’ve had times within my life that I’ve been crippled with - for lack of a better term – “depression”. Looking back, I would say I was more scared, sad, lonely, anxious, fearful, self-loathing, lost, tired, unconscious. I use the label “depressed” really just to sum everything up into one little heart wrenching package. And that was a label my GP could understand. Within 20 minutes of being in his office, and after very few questions asked, he placed me on anti-depressants. Twice throughout my 20’s & 30’s. That didn’t work for me. Both times, I immediately went off of them within 2 weeks. I felt as though my head was going to fucking explode, and in turn, me. And so what else did I do during that time to alleviate my depression? I drank alcohol to self-medicate. For years and years. I didn’t understand that the thoughts and feelings associated with depression were a natural part of life & growing. I had such negative associations and wanted rid of them as fast as possible. And that’s most likely why they stuck around for so long - I was looking for one quick way out instead of many ways through.
So, what else could I do to rid myself of this depression. A magic pill didn’t resolve it. Alcohol sure as shit didn’t resolve it. So what was it? What more did I need to look at that I wasn’t? So fucking much. Again, I started with one solution – remove alcohol and I won’t be “depressed” anymore. Cool. Did it. A few times. And stopped at that, and I believe that’s why it didn’t stick for me. I wasn’t looking at more than one way to resolve this debilitating circumstance. What else could I do? I started seeing a kick ass therapist to understand and work through some childhood trauma. I started exercising as a way to gain more energy & start to add strength to my body. I re-ignited my meditation practice as a way to quiet my racing mind and to just chill the fuck out. I changed my diet as a way to really feel into my body and utilize food as medicine. I started to incorporate yoga & movement into my daily routine. I created a daily routine to add balance & stability into my life. And I started to LIVE my LIFE. And slowly, sloooooowly, the fog began to clear. Like a black veil had been lifted from my eyes, my mind, my body, my soul. From there, I have found my passion and my calling in life. I have found inspiration in all that surrounds me. I have an immense sense of loving & living life, and a reason to get out of bed each morning. None of this, I believe, would have been possible had I just removed alcohol and not looked at really all other areas of my life. I actually proved time & time again that didn’t work for me.
I no longer have crippling days. I have days where fear & loneliness, sadness & anxiety creep in yeah, but I sit with those feelings now as my friends & teachers, and try and listen to what they are communicating back to me. This is why journaling is so important for me. So I can look back at my life, on the days where I wasn’t feeling so awesome and see the bigger picture – What was life trying to teach me in those moments?
I think this is just such an important lesson to share. Even in being in relationship with someone – As a lover, a friend, a sister. Would changing one thing really help grow connection and love? Or would taking a step back and looking at the big picture do so? All things are connected. Maybe it’s how you communicate & share your feelings. I had to learn through my most recent relationships that my communication was the shits. Why? Dig deeper. I believe it was because I was never taught to communicate as a child and throughout my developmental years, and quite honestly had no fucking clue how to. We never spoke about our feelings at home. And I believe that’s another reason why I drank as well. Alcohol gave me (false) confidence, a strong voice I had never had before. And from that experience came a whole flood of senses and fears I had never understood and essentially dealt with until recently. If I speak up and say how I’m truly feeling I will be - Neglected, Abandoned, Not enough, Vulnerable and open myself up to hurt. I’ve had and continue to work through those senses & fears to better communicate with the people I care most about in this world. That’s what’s important to me right now.
Give it a shot. If your problem is say drinking – too much, wanting to quit, wanting to cut back, whatever it is – dig deeper. What other solutions can you incorporate in your life to help solve this problem besides giving up alcohol? From my experience, I needed to cut deep into the core of the sacred fruit - Why had I depended on alcohol for so long, and how could I show myself that I truly loved Kat and didn’t want to show up in the world like a victim? I began to show little signs of self love in taking care of my body, mind & soul, showing up as the Kat Black I always wanted to be, and asking for help & support. And write! Write about your experiences. If nothing else, use it as a barometer of where you’re at in going through any type of situation in your life. It helps me immensely to declutter my brain, organize my thoughts and recognize old patterns. And to see how truly far I’ve come. XO - K