6 Months - Holy Sh*t
Last Friday, May 25th, 2018, I hit my 6th month of sobriety, or Day 182. Wow. I'm having a tough time writing this, not because I have a hard time believing it anymore, but because I am so fucking proud of myself. And this is probably the first time in a long time that I've actually allowed myself a compliment. And I deserve it, all of it.
At this exact time last year, I was heading deep down the rabbit hole of my excessive drinking. I was lying to pretty much everyone around me, I was hiding much of what was going on, and I was fully out of control. I was scared, but not enough to wake up and smell the vodka. Alcohol had this complete hold over me and my situation. I couldn't get out. I didn't know where to turn or what to do. I was so sad, all the time. I felt alone, all the time. Just the thought of myself made my skin crawl. I was ashamed, guilt ridden, anxious, tired. So fucking tired. Something needed to change, quickly.
On a particularly bad day, I was cornered by my best friend. He'd had enough. I don't even remember the conversation, but it didn't go well. By then I was too tired to fight. I knew that I was caught and that it was finally time to change. That was the beginning of clearing the cobwebs from my foggy brain, and getting my shit together.
It was a struggle. I had every intention to quit drinking, I just had to stumble a bit along the way. It took a few months before my brain and thought patterns finally adjusted to the fact that it was no longer going to rely upon alcohol for anything anymore.
Now, my life looks completely different. I wake up with a clear conscience and heart in the morning. I set goals and intentions to work towards. I treat myself and others with love and kindness. I (try) to get lots of rest, meditate, eat well and exercise plenty. I find inspiration in other women and try to live up to their message. I hope to one day be an inspiration to someone going through the same type of struggle. It's not impossible. It may seem like it to start, but you are stronger than you think - I promise you that. You will learn to love yourself again, more so than you even thought possible. xo K